


Red

by Everydayishark



Series: Monsta X bingo 2 [10]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Character Death, Heavy Angst, Love, Love and Loss, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 12:14:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10386429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everydayishark/pseuds/Everydayishark
Summary: If I close my eyes, I can still hear your laughter. Bright and bubbly, always genuine and warm. If I close my eyes, I can still feel your touch, soft fingertips tracing lines on my skin, your lips on mine, your hands in my hair. If I close my eyes, I can still hear your voice, calling out my name.Soft, sweet--Low and dark and sexy--Panicked, thick with pain, fading fast.





	

**XXXXX**

If I close my eyes, I can still hear your laughter. Bright and bubbly, always genuine and warm. If I close my eyes, I can still feel your touch, soft fingertips tracing lines on my skin, your lips on mine, your hands in my hair. If I close my eyes, I can still hear your voice, calling out my name.

Soft, sweet--

Low and dark and sexy--

Panicked, thick with pain, fading fast.

_(No, no, anything but that, not again)_

Red lights flash before my eyes. The siren wails, loudly, yet it’s reduced to nothing but a whisper as I hear the sound of teeth tearing flesh beside me. _(The blood, so much blood, so, so much….)_ In the crimson sea I see nothing, yet everything. _(too much, too much..)_

Glass, blood and wires are everywhere. I try to steer us away, but there is no way to go but down.

The snapping of bones and tendons. Ripping. Breaking. Cracking.

You’re crying, begging, pleading, but it won’t listen. (Of course it won’t listen…. This beast… this thing… this monster)

Your screams pierce my ears, they pierce my skin, they pierce my heart.

And suddenly your body goes rigid as your upper half is ripped from the cockpit. (Disembodied like a lifeless doll, and all that’s left is your lower half and a few scraps of ripped skin)

The snapping of wires. The ADC blearing warnings as the system disconnects and this useless heap of metal goes limp and crashes down into the sea.

There’s water everywhere. Flooding in through the broken glass. There’s water everywhere. It’s in my lungs. The noise of the sinking Jaeger reverberates through my entire body.

And then there’s silence.

Darkness.

_Nothing._

\--

**X**

Your bright red hair is the first thing I notice. All the other cadets are meek, scared little creatures, huddled together, cowering. And yet there you are, shining bright, a small smile on your face, standing all on your own by yourself. (Maybe you should’ve been more scared, maybe you should’ve been more careful, maybe you should’ve been more like them)

Freshly graduated from the Academy, you are all here to join the most elite force in the world. You are here to become Jaeger Pilots. Or, die trying, at least. (The cowards, they didn’t last very long. They never do.)

Training is brutal. I know, because I designed it to be that way. I am trained to be a pilot, but I never managed to synch with anyone, so I am stuck in the base training the rookies. (I hate it, I hate watching my friends and comrades go into battle. So many didn’t make it back. Others return broken. And yet I want it, the thrill of the fight. I want to kill one of those monsters with my own hands. I want to take back what they took from me.)

You are good. An excellent fighter, favoring speed over strength. Strong of mind. Determined. You challenge me. I see that glimmer in your eyes, the little smirk tugging at your lips as you circle around me. (The eyes of a man who have nothing left to lose, the eyes of a man ready to fight the world)

You come to me, after training. Wanting to talk, or maybe you’re just in need of company. And I find myself gravitate towards you. I find myself wanting to get to know you.

(Your name is Lee Minhyuk. You are two years younger than me. You’ve lost your family in a Kaiju attack when you were young. You are here for vengeance.)

I tell you to put it away. Put away the hatred, the anger. Because those are the kind of things that make you reckless. Those are the kind of things that get you killed.

\--

**XXXXXXX**

In my sleep I dream of them. The beasts. They are an ancient evil, crawling out from the deepest depths of the earth. We do not know why they are here, or what they want, but they want us dead, that’s for sure.

I dream of its face, so close I can smell the stench coming from its mouth. Its nostrils flare, opening those terrifying jaws, revealing the razor sharp teeth tower hovering above me like immense, pointed pillars. It closes in on me. _(So close, so close, too close)_

I wake up screaming and everything is white. The sheets are stained in sweat and blood where the stitches ruptured again. They tried to tie me down but it’s too strong, the terror inside me, the painful memories flooding in again and again.

_Your eyes flickering in the red._

_Tears streaming down your face._

_Those last whispered words. (I love you)_

_You don’t have to say it, our minds are linked._

_Our minds are linked when it rips you apart. (I feel your pain, all of it, tenfold, but there is nothing I can do to help you, to make it stop)_

_Our minds are linked when you take your final breath (the link goes dark)_

_And then the ringing. Softly at first. It’s my mind, reeling, trying to hold the Jaeger together. The ringing turns to shrieking, piercing, tearing. My ears are bleeding, I feel it, I feel warm liquid drip down my cheeks but I don’t know if they are tears or blood or both. I can’t bring myself to rip out the cables. I can’t bring myself to sever my connection to you. (But maybe I lost you long before that)_

_\--_

**XX**

You kiss me. It’s the middle of the night and you are drunk and angry. At me, at the world, but mostly at yourself. You show up at my door, knocking, yelling, screaming.

And then you kiss me.

My mind tells me I shouldn’t respond to this. It’s inappropriate. It shouldn’t happen.

Yet my body won’t listen.

You kiss me, and I kiss you.

I shouldn’t want this, but I want this. I want you.

(I’ve known it, for some time. It’s the way you make me smile, the way my eyes seem to see only you, the way my heart beats faster when you’re near.)

You’re my student.

You’re my student, but you’re also my friend. (You comfort me when another one of my comrades doesn’t come back from battle. You are there for me when they bring Kihyun in on a stretcher, torn apart limb from limb and I lose the ability to breath, overtaken by grief)

(You are there for me when I’m sad, you are there for me when I’m angry, you are there for me when I’m happy)

You are there for me

_(And now you’re not)_

\--

**XXXXXXXX**

It comes in white hot flashes of pain tearing through my body. It feels as if all my limbs are on fire, and simultaneously being torn apart. The damage to my body is likely reversible, but my mind….. my mind is gone. The mental link has ripped through my neurons. It burned holes in my memory.

I should have taken off the cables much sooner. Had I broken my link to you—had I broken it before you died, maybe I would’ve been okay. Maybe I would have survived.

But I don’t think I wanted to be okay. I don’t think I wanted to survive.

Not without you.

(So I let the link fry my brains)

(So I let the water fill my lungs)

(So I stopped fighting)

So why wasn’t I dead?

Why was I here, without you?

\--

**XXX**

I hold you in my arms. It’s the day of your graduation. You’ve officially completed your training program. You are ready to be a pilot.

You show up at my door, grinning, a bottle of booze in one hand and your brand new Pilot’s pin in the other. You’re so proud, and happy, you can’t stop smiling. You kiss me, long and hard, and finally we are equals, finally we can be together.

We make love that night, and many nights after. Every second with you is bliss, and everything is beautiful, even just for a moment. The pain and suffering falls away, and it’s just you and me, naked and happy and free.

\--

**XXXXXX**

A hand appears in the darkness.

It’s pulling me up, away from you, away from the comfortable nothingness.

I don’t want it, I don’t want to leave you, but my body doesn’t react.

Instead I am pulled further away from you, as you sink further and further down.

(The blood trails through the water in red currents.)

(Red, red, red like your hair)

(Red like your lips, plump and wet and smiling)

(Red like your insides, spilled all over the cockpit)

(Red like the warning lights as we sink deeper into oblivion)

They should have just left me there.

They should have just let me die.

\--

**XXXX**

You laugh. I don’t remember why. Maybe it was something I said, or did, but it’s bright and bubbly, always genuine and warm. Your fingertips trace lines on my skin. We’re a match. Of course we are.

They strapped us into the machine and our brains lit up like a Christmas tree. (You are mine, and I am yours)

Our minds as synchronized as our bodies. (Your lips are on my lips, your hands are in my hair.)

Your voice calls out my name.

_I love you, Son Hyunwoo._

**Author's Note:**

> look, I was going to write some super happy shit but then I accidentally deleted my browser history and lost all my fic process and I was emo and then this happened.
> 
> So blame the internet, I guess.  
> Also I'm sorry.
> 
> Written for the [mecha pilots] prompt of the mxbingo.


End file.
